Give Grace, Especially to Yourself!

We spent the past week in the United States reflecting on what we are grateful for.  Now we move into the season of holiday rush.  Black Friday and Cyber Monday turn to Giving Tuesday, and we are aimed straight on to winter break!

It is easy to get caught up in the frenzy of consumerism, gift exchanges, holiday preparations, getting those last few weeks of lesson plans completed, and managing the kids so we can actually get some teaching done in the midst of everything.

All the excitement, mixed feelings about holidays, our personal lives, and showing up to the classroom every day can create a lot of stress.  Tempers can flare, power struggles ensue, and we may end up feeling defeated.

What if something else was possible?  What if we focused on giving grace?  Grace is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “favor; good will; kindness; disposition to oblige another.” 

Give grace to your students.  Remember they are doing the best they can with the skills they currently have.  Where can you find a teachable moment to help them build their skills?

Give grace to your colleagues.  Give grace to the parents of your students.  Remember that most issues or conflicts that arise have nothing to do with you.  Where can you let something slide and know they really didn’t mean anything by it?

Give grace to your family.  Even though we manage to stay reasonably self-regulated all day at work, we sometimes let our control go when we get home.  Our loved ones may bear the brunt of our own unintentional challenging behaviors.  Where can you find a strength to compliment your family members on?

Most of all, give grace to yourself.  You, too, are doing the best you can in each moment.  If life happens and you do or say something you regret, apologize.  Make it right.  And then look for where you can be extra kind to yourself, rather than focus on the negative.

Be a bright light this holiday season.  Remember that your students are watching and learning from you, no matter what grade they are in.  We can all take a little extra time to connect with each person in our lives, remind them of their goodness, and say kind words.  Give a little extra grace, especially to those who you might not want to.

Those little actions, seemingly insignificant to you, may mean the world to someone else who is struggling right now.  You make a difference!

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Love is All We Need

When you get right down to it, love is the essence of everything good, nourishing and uplifting in life.  So maybe the Beatles and Mary J. Blige are right–all we need is love.  I’m not talking just about romantic love with a partner, but the close relationships you enjoy with other family members and friends.  Love is more an experience, and a state of being rather than an action.  We often stop ourselves from giving and receiving love out of fear.  The fear of what another person will think, of being rejected, of getting hurt, and on and on.

When we let these fears rule our lives, we are pushing away love, holding it at bay.  We can choose to act lovingly towards others regardless of our fear.  We can even love another in the face of unloving behavior from them.  It all comes down to choice.  You have the power to determine how much love you want to receive by how much love you share with the world.  It’s time to move away from fear and insecurity and toward love.  Here are some tips to bring more love into your life:

1. Start by loving yourself.  If you can’t love you, how can you let anyone else love you?  Take some time today to appreciate who you are–the miracle of you.  Acknowledge the body parts you love and ask forgiveness from the parts you habitually criticize.  Love those parts instead.  Pay attention to your unique qualities, skills and knowledge that make you amazing.

2. Practice being loving, no matter what the circumstances.  Talk gently to people–the way you would like to be addressed.  Use kind words, stay positive and do small acts of service for others.  This demonstrates your appreciation of each person you interact with and starts a ripple effect of love.

3. Forgive people who aren’t acting loving toward you and move on.  You don’t have to condone their actions, or agree with them.  But don’t hold on to negative thoughts about them or about yourself.  It is  a waste of energy.  Bless them for doing the best they could with the limited skills, resources and knowledge they had in the moment.

4. Play with a dog.  Dogs are nature’s models of love–we can learn a lot from them.  Spend some time with a furry friend and relish in the joy and love they bring with them.

5. Be present.  Notice the world around you.  Look at the people you pass, the trees and bushes as you walk, the colors of the sky, the lighting and shadows in your office.  Just be in the moment and appreciate that you live here, now.

Bring some more love into your life, and spread the love to others.

Raise Your Vibration

What messages are you sending out to the universe?  Are you putting clear intentions out followed up by taking action, or are you living in fear and scarcity, cancelling out any positive intentions you set?  We are all made up of pure energy at the subatomic level, and this energy is vibrating at a particular speed.  This vibration varies based on the input–our thoughts and emotions–that are dominant in our bodies.

The lowest vibration emotions are fear, despair and guilt.  Even anger has a higher vibration than fear, because you are more likely to be moved into positive action when you are angry.  Disappointment, irritation and boredom and moving closer to center, with satisfaction, enthusiasm and excitement on the other side of center.  Passion, joy and gratitude keep moving up the ladder, with love being at the highest vibration.

The other thing to note is that you attract and are attracted to things and people who are vibrating at a similar level to you.  You can’t attract the things you want if you are not a vibrational match for them.  You can’t hang out with high-vibration people for long if you are not also vibrating at that high level.

So, when you raise your vibration by focusing on love and gratitude, you begin to shift the things and people that are attracted to you.  You can also raise your vibration by putting good fuel into your body in the form of high-vibration food as close to its natural, organic state as possible, and drinking pure water.

The point is to focus on being in alignment with what you want to attract into your life by raising your own vibration to match the energetic vibration of your desires.  So give up fear, despair, and anger, and move toward joy, gratitude and love to raise your vibration.

Practice Saying No

It is important to most of us that we are liked by others–we want to belong and feel good in our relationships.  This has a frequent side effect of saying yes to people and activities that are not aligned with your goals, purpose or values.  Sometimes we get to the point where we’ve said yes to so many things, just to make other people happy, that there is no time left to do what makes us happy.

Enter the art of saying “no.”  You don’t have to say no forever, just no for now.  You can be nice about how you say no.  Use phrases like, “That sounds like a great opportunity, I’m just going to have to pass right now.” or “I really appreciate your asking me, I’m just not available to help with this right now.”  Avoid making excuses.  Just say no, and stop talking.  You can even refer the asker to another person you know who might be more available or interested.

As you practice saying no, you will find your time opening up and shifting to your own priorities and values.  When you give up pleasing others at the expense of yourself, you’ll find yourself more focused, energized and optimistic.  And, you leave yourself room to say yes to the really amazing opportunities that come along!

Forgiveness

One of the most toxic things we can do to ourselves is to hold grudges or hold onto negative thoughts about or towards another person.  We usually feel that we are somehow hurting that person who hurt us by spending a lot of time and attention in negative ways toward that person.  Or sometimes, we just keep reliving the trauma or incident and being angry over and over again.  Who does this really hurt?  That person?  No, they are usually off doing their own thing completely unaware of the stress and negativity you are under due to their actions.

The only person you are hurting is yourself.  Wouldn’t you rather be free of that old issue, let it go, and move on with your life?  Anger and hate are like a poison to our bodies, both physically and psychologically.  When you are willing to forgive the other person for what they did, and truly let it go, ongoing health problems can magically disappear and you will often begin to feel better emotionally.

So, are you willing to let it go?  Are you willing to forgive?  Forgiveness is not condoning the actions of the person, it is merely saying “I know you were doing the best you could with the limited skills, knowledge and abilities you had, and I forgive you.”  It doesn’t make it okay, but at least you don’t have to keep wasting your time, energy and thoughts on that person.

So go ahead and forgive them.  Then forgive yourself, too, for whatever you need to be forgiven for.  You are an amazing being and you deserve to have happiness and joy in your life.

Ducks in a Row

We often talk about getting organized and putting things in order, using the phrase, “getting our ducks in a row.”  Sometimes this becomes a crutch or an excuse to put something we want to do, be, or have off to someday.  If we wait until all our ducks are nicely lined up, when we have all the details figured out and know the whole plan, we may have missed the opportunity.

In reality, when a mother duck works to get her ducklings in a row, she may quack and herd and nudge, expending lots of energy trying to get her ducks to line up.  But the moment she gets into action, and begins walking, the miracle happens–the ducklings line right up to follow her.  This is a great metaphor for life.  We can spend lots of energy going nowhere but spinning in circles trying to get our ducks in a row.  Or we can simply begin moving toward our goals with whatever information we currently have, and know that the ducks will line up behind us as we move, without effort on our part.

Success author Jack Canfield, shares a visual in the movie, The Secret.  He describes movement toward a goal as seeing the next step and taking it, and then taking the next step as it shows up.  It is like driving at night, where you can only see the parts of the road reflected in your headlights.  You don’t wait until it is light and you can see the whole route to drive.  You simply keep moving in the direction you can see–and as you go in faith, the headlights continue to light more and more of the way, getting you to your destination.

Catch some Zzzzzs

When we are busily rushing through our lives and looking at where we can pull more time from, we often sacrifice our sleep.  But getting high-quality sleep in proper amounts for your body is what keeps you fresh, energized and able to accomplish more in less time.  It is quite the catch-22!  Most people need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep per night, according to many experts.  Are you getting that amount of sleep?  If not, you are putting your health at risk because you may not be allowing your body enough time to recuperate from the day and regenerate the cells needed to keep you going full speed ahead.

Here are some tips to help you catch some ZZZs:

1. Be consistent.  Going to sleep and waking at the same time every day of the week helps your body to know it will be getting enough sleep and when to expect it.  That includes on weekends.  If you’re still feeling tired, take a short nap mid-day.

2. Shut off the technology.  Turn off all electronics at least an hour before lights out.  The light emitted from your computer screen, kindle, TV or cell phone turns on parts of your brain that should be winding down as you near bedtime.  Consider using low-watt lighting or yellow lights to cue your brain to begin producing sleep chemicals.

3. Create a bedtime routine.  Instead of checking email, playing a video game or watching the news, try relaxing with a good book, drinking some herbal tea, taking a hot bath or shower or doing some other relaxing form of self-care to help you unwind and begin relaxing.  Maybe you want to journal any thoughts that are on your mind before you go to sleep, or visualize your goals so your subconscious can go to work on them overnight.

4. Create a sleep-inducing environment.  Make your room as dark as possible for sleep time.  Use blackout curtains or sleep with an eye mask to block out the lights of civilization that simulate the sun of daytime.  Use repetitive noise or white noise with a fan or noise machine to lull yourself into sleep.  Remove anything that blinks, glows or otherwise can disrupt your sleep patterns from your bedroom.

Using these tips can help you achieve more restful sleep, which allows you to prepare for the coming day and awaken energized and refreshed.

The Mind-Body Connection

The connection between our minds–our thoughts and emotions–and our bodies–the physical manifestations of thoughts, as well as our avenue for performing actions, is amazing.  In many cases, we think of this connection as moving in one-direction–and this can vary from person to person.  Someone with a head cold, body aches and chills will have thoughts of feeling sick and emotional responses of tiredness and stress, and usually think that because they are physically unwell, that causes how they are feeling and thinking.  In another instance, someone could be really pumped up about a new opportunity, with thoughts and feelings of excitement, possibility and adventure, which relates to body sensations of having lots of energy, maybe pushing adrenaline through the system, and not needing as much sleep.

It seems like one causes the other–but which way does the connection flow?  I would argue that the connection is a two-way channel of communication.  Our thoughts and feelings can manifest in physical responses in energy level, wellness or sickness, likelihood of injury and more.  And the physical state of our bodies can shift our thoughts and emotions in a moment.

Try this–notice how your body is right now–your posture, any aches or pain, your energy level.  Now think about something that makes you sad and feel the emotions that come with that.  What changes came over your body as you shifted your thought?  Did you shoulders slump, did you notice a decrease in energy, did back pain or knee pain suddenly make itself known?  Now, I want to you grin the biggest, silliest grin you’ve ever grinned, maybe push out a laugh or two.  What thoughts are you thinking now?  Are you feeling better, happier, even though you’re hoping nobody is looking at your ridiculous behavior?  So, in the first case, our thoughts shifted our physiology.  In the second exercise, our change to our physiology shifted our thoughts and emotions.

You can apply this principle at any time.  If you’re feeling sick or tired, take a look at the thoughts and emotions that are predominant, and pay attention to the messages from your body.  If you want to change, do something that promotes your energy, like laughing, dancing, exercising, calling a friend, watching a comedy.  And work on shifting your thought patterns, and concentrating on feeling happy, content, love, gratitude and joy.  As you open the mind-body connection, you will have more control over your physical body and your thoughts.  You decide how you want to feel, both emotionally and physically.

Facing Fear

Fear can be paralyzing, when you’re staring that thing that you are afraid of in the face.  Sometimes you want to turn and run the other way, or hide out and hope it goes away, or worst of all, get stuck where you are unable to move at all.  As we know, none of those options work very well.

So, what are some options that do work?  The first step is to face the fear, and get clear on what it actually is.  Sometimes we make it so much bigger, or we stay confused and terrified because we refuse to really look at it.  Facing the fear is your launching point for action.  Once you know what you are really dealing with, you can then begin to make some decisions.

The next step is to decide on, and then take, action.  The biggest fear-buster is action.  The reality is that the fear probably isn’t going to go away, but if you see it, feel it, and still get into action anyway, you’re so much better off than before!  Determine what about your goal is bigger and more important than your fear–think about that when you are experiencing the fear, and then take the next action you see to take.

When we get into action, momentum begins to build and we see the next action to take, and the next.  And as we continue to follow that guidance, the fear diminishes, or even gets left behind entirely.  And it all starts with being willing to face your fear.

Healthy Living

Who is responsible for your health and well-being?  Are you taking that responsibility?  If you’ve been on an airplane any time recently, you’ve heard the spiel about the oxygen masks.  You know–Put your own mask on first before helping others.

This advice holds true in every area of our lives–you need to take care of yourself before you can give yourself fully to helping others.  Taking care of yourself begins and ends with caring for your physical body and your emotional well-being.  We don’t usually think much about the importance of our health until something happens to threaten it.  But why wait for a threat to rear up, when we have all the tools and knowledge we need to be proactive rather than reactive?

Here are some basic tips for living as healthy as possible:

1. Drink plenty of water.  Most experts recommend 8 cups of water per day.  The more accurate number I’ve heard is that you should aim for drinking in ounces half your body weight in pounds.  So, if you weigh 160 pounds, you would be aiming for 80 ounces of water per day, or 10 cups of water.  Our bodies are mostly made of water, and our brains need the water in our systems to properly transmit the electrical signals through our nervous system.

2. Move more.  Get in motion.  Whether you are a gym rat, prefer outdoor sports, or just like to dance in your living room like I do, spend some time each day in movement that gets your heart rate up.  Recommendations suggest a minimum target of walking at least 30 minutes three times a week as a starting point.  Take breaks during long periods of sitting to stretch, take a short walk or do some other form of physical activity.

3. Eat less.  The average western meal serves up 2-3 times the actual amount of food you need at one sitting, and a lot of it is processed and filled with salt, fat and/or sugar.  Choose foods in as close to their natural state as possible, fill at least half your plate at each meal with fruits and vegetables, and pay attention to your body’s signals when it tells you to stop eating.

4. Get some sleep.  Many of us go through our lives chronically sleep-deprived.  If you are not waking up naturally, feeling well rested, you are probably not getting enough sleep.  Aim for at least 7 hours of high-quality sleep each night.  Try darkening your room and removing electronics from the bedroom, avoiding screen time with TV and computers for an hour before bedtime, and dimming the lights in the evening so your body begins to produce sleep chemicals to aid you in getting your rest.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish–it is your responsibility.  Only when you are in top shape can you fully show up for others.