Getting What You Want

The only way to really get what you want is to decide what it actually is that you want.  When you think about your goals, you must have something specific to aim for.  One way to gain more clarity about what you want is to create an “I Want” list.  Think about all the things you want to do–the experiences you wish to have.  Then brainstorm the items you want to have–usually the material things in life.  And then, give some thought to what you want to be–characteristics you’d like to develop, roles you’d like to have.  If you can come up with 100 I Wants on your list, you’ve got a lot more clarity.

Then you can decide what is most important.  Usually, several of the items on that list will jump out to you as most important or a top priority.  Sometimes they solve a particular pressing need you currently face, or they most directly align with your life purpose and mission.  You can begin to prioritize which I Wants to work toward.

Some pitfalls to avoid in your quest for deciding what you want:

1. Don’t live someone else’s dreams.  These should be things you truly want, and can get excited about, not what someone else wants for you.

2. Don’t settle for less than what you really want.  You might get stuck thinking about how you’re going to get something and then scale back your dream.  Make your choice and stand powerfully in it.

3. Don’t waste a lot of time worrying about how.  The point of deciding what you want is to allow your subconscious and the Universe to know what it is you want help with.  You don’t have to know how you’re going to be, do or have something in order to put it on your list.

4. Don’t let someone else talk you out of your wants.  Lots of people mean well and will try to tell you all the reasons why what you want isn’t going to happen.  They really believe they are helping you, so you don’t face discouragement or defeat.  Say, “thanks for caring enough to share that with me.” And then move on, continuing toward your dreams.

5. Don’t keep your wants to yourself.  On the other hand, the more people who know about your wants, the more likely there is someone out there who can help you get there.  So share your wants, with some common sense and a thick skin, of course.

Following the Signs

In life, we get lots of feedback to let us know when we are on the right track or if we are off course.  These signs can come from the external world, such as comments from people in your life and obstacles coming up as you try to make things happen.  They can also come from inside yourself, as a gut reaction, an intuitive response or just a sense of knowing what to do or not to do.

We’ve all have those signs show up.  The ones that warn us we are going off course are yellow alerts–just little warning lights that come up over and over and get stronger and stronger if we ignore them.  Sometimes it feels like we’re being hit upside the head with a 2X4 when we get some feedback!  If it gets to this point, you can likely look back at your life and see other more gentle alerts that were there all along but you didn’t pay attention to.

We also get lots of small alerts or green lights when we are on the right track.  Sometimes these are even harder to see, because we write them off as luck, or happenstance, or serendipity, not as clear messages from the external world or our own intuition to point us in the right direction.

So how can you use the alerts and signs you are given more effectively?  Pay attention.  Notice when something comes up related to a question you’ve had or a problem you are trying to solve.  Thank the source of feedback, out loud or just in your mind.  Don’t write it off as chance–if you act as if these bits of feedback are intentional signs, you start to see more and more of them.  And that gets you to using your internal and external guidance systems in ways that catapult you toward your dreams!

In the Mood

Have you ever waited to do something until you felt you were in the mood?  Or declined to do something because you weren’t in the mood?  What determines our mood?  We usually think it is our circumstances, something outside of our control.  But in truth, what decides our mood is us.  We have the opportunity to choose our response at any time to any situation we face, changing the mood we experience.

You may have heard stories or experienced times when two people were in the exact same event and responded completely differently, resulting in a different mood.  For example, if you are stuck in rush-hour traffic, you can choose to enjoy your favorite music, audio book or program while driving and have your car stocked with snacks and something to drink, knowing you are going to be spending a long time in the car, often not moving.  Or you can get angry, reacting to the situation, blaming the other drivers, honking your horn and working yourself into a state of stress and increased blood pressure.  The same situation, two different responses.  Do you imagine your mood would be different if you chose the first response rather than the second?

It really is up to you to choose your mood.  People can be happy for no reason, and as Marci Shimoff says, there’s no reason not to be happy most of the time!  So next time you’re not in the mood, decide to change it and see what happens!

Renew Your Routine

We humans are hard-wired to respond to structure, routine and consistency.  It is part of why we are so resistant to change.  When we have a predictable routine to follow, our subconscious brains “relax” out of the high-alert state and can shift our mental energy to other things than our survival and safety.  Routines and structure allow us a sense of control over our world, a feeling of safety and security.  While we don’t want to become stuck in a rut and be inflexible when change comes along, we can greatly benefit from renewing the routines in our lives that help us.

Think about it–you’re already engaged in lots of routines as it is.  You most likely go through the morning routine in the same way in the same order every day, you get dressed with the same side of your body going first each time, you drive to work or other favorite places along the same route you always take.  This time of consistency puts your mind on autopilot, and allows you to use your conscious thoughts to solve problems, come up with new ideas, and respond to more important issues in your life.

One of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal is our penchant for habit.  And as we know, this can be a double-edged sword because it is just as easy to create bad habits as it is to create good ones.  The key is to choose which habits you want to develop and then engage in those actions over and over on a consistent basis until the actions become part of your routine and you no longer have to think about them.  You essentially develop a new neural pathway for that behavior in your brain.

So which habits and routines can you freshen up and renew?  As we wind down the year, it is a great time to reflect on what has been working for us so we can do more of that, and what has not served us so we can stop doing those things.  Take a look at your routines and decide which ones you will focus on renewing!

The Mind-Body Connection

The connection between our minds–our thoughts and emotions–and our bodies–the physical manifestations of thoughts, as well as our avenue for performing actions, is amazing.  In many cases, we think of this connection as moving in one-direction–and this can vary from person to person.  Someone with a head cold, body aches and chills will have thoughts of feeling sick and emotional responses of tiredness and stress, and usually think that because they are physically unwell, that causes how they are feeling and thinking.  In another instance, someone could be really pumped up about a new opportunity, with thoughts and feelings of excitement, possibility and adventure, which relates to body sensations of having lots of energy, maybe pushing adrenaline through the system, and not needing as much sleep.

It seems like one causes the other–but which way does the connection flow?  I would argue that the connection is a two-way channel of communication.  Our thoughts and feelings can manifest in physical responses in energy level, wellness or sickness, likelihood of injury and more.  And the physical state of our bodies can shift our thoughts and emotions in a moment.

Try this–notice how your body is right now–your posture, any aches or pain, your energy level.  Now think about something that makes you sad and feel the emotions that come with that.  What changes came over your body as you shifted your thought?  Did you shoulders slump, did you notice a decrease in energy, did back pain or knee pain suddenly make itself known?  Now, I want to you grin the biggest, silliest grin you’ve ever grinned, maybe push out a laugh or two.  What thoughts are you thinking now?  Are you feeling better, happier, even though you’re hoping nobody is looking at your ridiculous behavior?  So, in the first case, our thoughts shifted our physiology.  In the second exercise, our change to our physiology shifted our thoughts and emotions.

You can apply this principle at any time.  If you’re feeling sick or tired, take a look at the thoughts and emotions that are predominant, and pay attention to the messages from your body.  If you want to change, do something that promotes your energy, like laughing, dancing, exercising, calling a friend, watching a comedy.  And work on shifting your thought patterns, and concentrating on feeling happy, content, love, gratitude and joy.  As you open the mind-body connection, you will have more control over your physical body and your thoughts.  You decide how you want to feel, both emotionally and physically.

The Myth of Multitasking

Multitasking is something that has been sold to us as a great thing, a way to be more productive and get more done in less time.  The truth, however, is something quite different.  Our brains can only focus on one thing at a time, so when you think you are multitasking, you are actually switching your attention between the multiple tasks over and over.  The first problem is that this makes your brain tired and uses more energy over the same period of time as doing a single task.  This creates fatigue at a quicker pace, leaving you with less brainpower later in the day when you want to still be going strong.

The second problem is that multitasking, or task switching as it should more accurately be called, doesn’t save you time.  It takes on average 50% more time to do a task when switching attention back and forth than if you focused on a single task to completion.  And the time it takes to complete a task continues to increase as you add more distractions that can cause you to switch your focus, such as your phone lighting up with a text, your email dinging as a new message arrives, or a coworker stops by for a quick chat or question.

This is compounded by the third problem of multitasking–the amount of time it takes for you to refocus on the primary task and get back to where you left off after an interruption or task switch.  Every time you shift your attention off the task at hand, it takes longer and longer to get back to the place in your work on the primary task from where you left off, if you can get back there at all.  With all these problems racking up time and energy, why would we want to multitask?

The key to real productivity is focus.  Research indicates that the optimal focused work period is 90 minutes.  As in, you spend 90 minutes focused on a key task, or finish the task to completion, whichever comes first.  If you are like me, you might wonder how in the world you are going to get 90 minutes of uninterrupted focus time once in a day, let alone multiple blocks of this focus time!  There are some simple fixes you can initiate, such as turning off your phone and email alerts, closing out all distracting programs on your computer, indicating on your office or cubicle entry that you are focusing and are not to be disturbed, and communicating to the other people in your environment what you are doing.

You may also start with a 15 minute block of focus time on a single task, working up to the larger time blocks.  The key is to give up the idea that multitasking is helpful, and to work on focusing your attention on a single task at a time.  What are you going to focus on next?